LJ Archive

Are You a Linux Waif?

Kim Moore

Issue #0, linuxjournal.com

A self-described Linux widow, the author offers these tell-tale signs of being a Linux orphan.

It probably started innocently enough. You came home from school one day, and your computer screen looked different. Your dad told you, “There are gonna be a few changes around here.” You had to learn how to open e-mail all over again.

Maybe it feels like you've been yanked out of your comfy WYSIWYG world and thrown into the void of uncertainty—abandoned for the sake of powerful computing.

You might be a Linux Waif.

How can you know for sure? Do you recognize any of the following tell-tale signs?

  1. Has your dad removed what he calls “the unnecessary keys” from the keyboard?

  2. Is your monitor bigger than your TV?

  3. Does your dad's license plate read ILUVLNX or LNXROX or LNXRULZ, etc.? Does the other car's plate read IH8MS?

  4. When a big virus hits everyone's computer where your dad works, does he come home really happy?

  5. Is there a dartboard in your garage with a strangely familiar, nerdy-looking guy's face stuck on it?

  6. Has your little brother's teacher ever sent a note home to your parents asking them to please tell him not to refer to the class computer as “sucky”?

  7. When you come home from school and tell your dad about your PowerPoint presentation, does he get a blank look on his face?

  8. Have you ever wondered why your dad gets so excited about open sores?

  9. Have you ever overheard your little brother getting into a fight where the bully says, “My dad can beat up your dad”, and your brother replies, “Yeah, but my dad can build me a computer out of spare parts in our basement”?

  10. You go to a friend's house and his dad shows off his bowling trophies. When your friends come over, does your dad show them his original Linux Journal, still in the plastic?

  11. Have you ever tried to ask your dad something about one of your homework problems and he interrupts you to exclaim, “This book's written in LaTeX!”

  12. Have you ever overheard your mom showing your little brother the new Spiderman underwear she bought him when your dad wanders by and asks, “Hey! Do they have those with penguins?”

Anything sound familiar? Don't worry, Waif. You're really not alone. He's doing it for your own good, and he has another name for you anyway—Second Generation Linux User.

email: jmoore@lokkus.com

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